Separation Anxiety in Children

It's normal for children to get upset when you try to leave them in someone else's care.  It's common during the early years for children to throw tantrums and cry when they know they are being separated from you.  Separation anxiety usually develops around the age of one.  Children this age will start clinging to mommy and daddy and will become agitated when they are separated from them.  Even if you're in the next room, children will get upset because they can't see you.  Our fifteen month old daughter doesn't like being separated from us.  Sometimes if one of us leaves the room she cries.  If we go out for a short time and leave her with somebody else she cries, even if it's a family member.  

Sometimes a new life experience can trigger separation anxiety, for example, when children start attending a new daycare.  When we go to church we put our fifteen month old in the daycare during the service and she cries.  

As a parent, you might experience mixed emotions during this time.  On one hand you're happy that your little one is attached to you and needs you.  However, you might also feel guilty when you leave them with somebody else to go to work or run an errand.  Keep in mind that these feelings are normal and it's a good idea for your children to get used to the fact that sometimes you have to leave, but you always come back.  This will help them develop a little independence and confidence in your relationship.

Children's Fears

It's normal for children to fear something at one time or another.  Babies and toddlers experience fear of strangers and begin clinging to parents.  They also experience separation anxiety when one or both parents are not around.  Our fifteen month old often demonstrates this behaviour.  If somebody she doesn't recognize or feel comfortable with comes over to our house she hides behind me and clings to my leg.  Sometimes she cries if family members hold her.  Our four year old used to be like that.  She used to have a fear of being around a large group of people, but she grew out of that.  She has a normal fear of the dark.  She likes to sleep with a little light when she goes to bed.  Sometimes a fear is brought on by a traumatic experience.  Our four year old and five year old never used to be afraid of flies.  One day we went to visit my in-laws up north and they were bit several times on the neck by black flies, which caused them to bleed.  Now they are terribly afraid of flies.

Children may start being afraid of something because another adult in the family has exhibited that same fear.  I have an extreme fear of spiders, but I try not to overreact in front of our children. 

You can help your children overcome their fears by talking about them.  It's important to be supportive and sympathetic and not belittle them.  You can help them eventually overcome their fears by encouraging them to confront them.